Introduction
It is quite painful that the couple who promise to love and care for one
another from the very beginning of their meeting till death, fail to do so
after some period of time. A number of men and women have been crippled or
wounded as a result of being beaten or mistreated by their spouses. They live
in serious hostility as if they were forced to marry one another. One puzzling
thing is that those spouses who beat one another do not inherit this habit from
their parents. This is because both the rich and poor people have been
undergoing this painful experience from time immemorial. The victims reveal
some of these cases to their neighbours while others do not reveal them because
that would result in more painful experiences. In fact neither the young nor
the old men have been left out of this menace. Domestic violence can
either be verbal or non-verbal, financial abuse, spiritual abuse or stalking.
The first section of this article will discuss about the causes of domestic
violence, and the second section will give the Church’s stand on this issue.
Section three will give some possible solutions to this problem and section
four will hair out some possible challenges to these suggestions.
Causes of Domestic Violence
A number of reasons for the occurrence of this bad omen in the society
have been queued. Some of them come from the partners themselves while the rest
come from either the family members or from the society in which they live.
Abandonment of the traditional system of marriage is one of the
contributing factors. It is absurd that men who have the responsibility of
making the introduction of marriage to women according to the traditions are
the very first people to abandon this. They only meet a girl for the first time
and for the second time, after some inadequate agreements, the two finds
themselves staying together as a husband and a wife. In this case, the two may
not have had the necessary understanding about themselves. On the other hand,
forced marriage witnessed as a result of the negligence from the traditional
marriage is another contributing. Women who keep their high emotions as a result
of being forced to marry a given man may decide to release their emotions
through beating up their husbands and vice versa. This leads to the failure to
handle even minor issues within the family.
Unemployment is another cause of domestic violence against men. Women
have a mentality that it is the responsibility of men to provide for them the
basic needs in the family. A reverse of this has resulted in bitterness among
some women who end up beating up their husbands. They beat them while claiming
that they are pushing their husbands to play their roles of providing food and
other basic necessities in the family. A person cannot force himself to be
employed if there is no job which conforms to his area of specialisation.
Another cause of domestic violence is child abuse. Women who were abused
when they were still young, particularly by their male parents would dare to
punish their husbands. This would be as a matter of compensating them. Their
memory still remembers what had happened to them at birth but since their
parents who might have violated their rights might be away, they resort to
abusing their husbands instead and vice versa.
Drug abuse is another cause of domestic violence. Many partners who over
drink alcohol or misuse other drugs resort to abusing themselves. This is
because these drugs interfere with their reasoning capacity. The rest of the
partners who do not misuse drugs also take the advantage of their partners who
misuse the drugs. For example a man who is drunk and fails to fulfil his manly
duties in the house like providing food to his family members are subjected to
beating by their wives.
Mental health is another contributor towards domestic violence. A man
who is mentally ill can be beaten by his wife and vice versa. On the other
hand, a woman who is mentally ill may beat her husband since her reasoning
capacity has been interfered with.
The acute rate of poverty which is prevalent across the globe has also
aided the increased rate of domestic violence. The inaccessibility to the basic
human needs brings in bitterness in people and the only possible way to express
out this bitterness in women is to beat or stalk their husbands. Some women
also hold it that their husbands are too lazy to provide for the family when
their fellow men are working too hard to maintain their families.
Social Teaching of the Church on Domestic Violence
During matrimony, one of the prayers of the faithful reads, ‘may their
house be a small church and their family a good foundation for the nation.’
(Tanzania Episcopal Conference, Misale Ya
Waumini, 1978, p. 999). Hence the church begins at home making it to be a
small domestic church and not a place of domestic violence. The Church as such
is Christ cantered and Christ came purposely to save us. (Fr. Israel, J., 2001,
p.5). Our salvation entails the bringing peace which is a necessary tool for
eternity. In this case, domestic violence is against the peace which Christ
brought us.
According to St, John Chrysostom, peace in the couples’ families should
flourish from their respective parents. The parents should teach their children
to be good, meek and forgiving making them to adorn the image of the King of
Kings as they grow. Husbands and wives should trust and love one another. A
husband should use gentle words and his examples to teach his wife to be
virtuous. This begins with the husband telling his wife how much he loves her
and enjoying being at home with her. (Roth, P., and Anderson, D., 1986,
pp.18-56).
On the piled up anger by the married couples, St. John Paul II in his
massage for the celebration of the world day of peace (2002, pp.8-9) says that
forgiveness is not a proposal that can be immediately understood or easily
accepted. It involves a real and permanent loss. It may look like a weakness
but demands a great spiritual strength and moral courage. It leads to a fuller
and richer humanity, more radiant with splendour of the Creator.
According to Murray, D., (1983, p.89), God saw it in the book of Genesis
(2:18) that a man should not be alone creating a demand for the need of a woman
and the institution of marriage which is the origin of the human family. Adam’s
partner was created in the image and likeness of God and hence with equal
dignity with him. Adam was then happy for someone from his own bones and flesh
and come out from him. They were to live together as companions and become one
something which would give rise to interpersonal dialogue because man by his
very nature is a social being. Unless he relates to others, he can neither live
nor develop his potentials. Domestic violence is therefore opposed to this
development and the social nature of man.
The plan of action
A number of measures can be taken to curb this illegal act in marriage.
Some of them are institutional based and some others individual based. Thus
they come from an individual.
Social engagement is one of the measures. The couples should engage
themselves in the activities such as swimming, dancing and taking of a nature
walk together. This would help in reducing the stress that the couple could be
having. The poor couples should at least find any social engagement which could
be bearable to them such as taking a nature walk together. While doing this,
they should be free to talk together while walking.
Counselling the couples is another measure. This calls for a personal
dialogue between either the family members with the couples or friends to the
couples with the couples. Thus it calls for a brotherly concern from our
neighbours. One should not get into this dialogue with an aim of looking for
fame or money but to help in bringing peace to these couples. There are also
professional counsellors who can be engaged in this aspect. A special attention
should be given to them and not just taking their words for granted.
Prosecution of women who beat their husbands can also help in curbing
this menace. Women, from the creation story in the book of Genesis are to be
men’s helpers and not men’s beaters. They should be humble and caring to their
husbands. Those who go against this teaching should be rendered some
punishments in the prisons. There should be varied punishments or jail terms
such that those who beat up their husbands and even chop off some of their body
parts should be given severe punishment than those who just give their husbands
the normal stress.
The government policies should also be revised. There are certain
countries that still hold it that when a man beats his wife it is unlawful but
when the wife beats the husband then it is normal. Such women who beat up their
husbands cannot be persecuted in any way.
The reason behind this is that men are stronger than women. A man who
has been beaten up by his wife could be having some psychological problems or
weak and does not deserve to marry and be called a husband. Therefore these policies
should be revised to allow men to become free from these tortures from their
wives.
Evaluating Action
In as much as the above solutions could be put into practice, there
could be some barriers towards their success. Most of these are based on the old
mentalities from the various traditions. Some people would find it hard to
leave their old way of abusing their husbands while fearing that their husbands
would turn against them and start revenging on them. Others who might have used
a lot of money in buying some medicine from the witchdoctors making their
husbands not to reveal they are being beaten would prefer to remain quiet. This
is because witches are highly discouraged in the contemporary societies.
Some poor couples would also find it expensive to afford paying for the
trained counsellor. They would therefore resort to people who are untrained in
this aspect resulting into being misled. This would attribute to the increase
in the rate of domestic violence. Some people are also ignorant and would not
value the guidance provided by the psychologists. Moreover, the social
engagements are also expensive on the side of some families. This makes the
couples to pile up their emotions and release them later on through domestic
violence.
There are some men who would not allow their wives to be imprisoned.
They fear the burden of taking over their wives’ responsibilities after they
shall have been imprisoned. Some women are also tortured in the prisons making
their lives to deteriorate. They can die after finishing their jail terms. The
result of this therefore is to persevere while tolerating all the beatings and
stalking from their wives.
Conclusion
Domestic violence is a sin. It opposes the love portrayed in both the
Old and New Testaments which give a Christian family a domestic church. The
church fathers also emphasized on the couples being hospitable to one another.
Pope Benedict XVI for example emphasized in his Encyclical, Deus Caritas est (2005, p.17) that a husband
and a wife should love one another just like our monotheistic God also loves
us. This objects any elements of violence within the family. I believe that the
recurrent cases of domestic violence can be curbed. The only problem which is
there is that people wants to handle all of them at once. They should be
handled one at a time and those who have benefitted from its solutions should
share with the other people who are still having problems with it. Each person
is a messenger of peace. Therefore we are called to preach this peace to all the
married couples in order to solve this satanic act.
Compiled by: Ken
Omondi
