Search This Blog

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Domestic Violence: A mistaken idea on the side of women alone……..





Introduction


It is quite painful that the couple who promise to love and care for one another from the very beginning of their meeting till death, fail to do so after some period of time. A number of men and women have been crippled or wounded as a result of being beaten or mistreated by their spouses. They live in serious hostility as if they were forced to marry one another. One puzzling thing is that those spouses who beat one another do not inherit this habit from their parents. This is because both the rich and poor people have been undergoing this painful experience from time immemorial. The victims reveal some of these cases to their neighbours while others do not reveal them because that would result in more painful experiences. In fact neither the young nor the old men have been left out of this menace. Domestic violence can either be verbal or non-verbal, financial abuse, spiritual abuse or stalking. The first section of this article will discuss about the causes of domestic violence, and the second section will give the Church’s stand on this issue. Section three will give some possible solutions to this problem and section four will hair out some possible challenges to these suggestions.


Causes of Domestic Violence


A number of reasons for the occurrence of this bad omen in the society have been queued. Some of them come from the partners themselves while the rest come from either the family members or from the society in which they live.

Abandonment of the traditional system of marriage is one of the contributing factors. It is absurd that men who have the responsibility of making the introduction of marriage to women according to the traditions are the very first people to abandon this. They only meet a girl for the first time and for the second time, after some inadequate agreements, the two finds themselves staying together as a husband and a wife. In this case, the two may not have had the necessary understanding about themselves. On the other hand, forced marriage witnessed as a result of the negligence from the traditional marriage is another contributing. Women who keep their high emotions as a result of being forced to marry a given man may decide to release their emotions through beating up their husbands and vice versa. This leads to the failure to handle even minor issues within the family.

Unemployment is another cause of domestic violence against men. Women have a mentality that it is the responsibility of men to provide for them the basic needs in the family. A reverse of this has resulted in bitterness among some women who end up beating up their husbands. They beat them while claiming that they are pushing their husbands to play their roles of providing food and other basic necessities in the family. A person cannot force himself to be employed if there is no job which conforms to his area of specialisation.

Another cause of domestic violence is child abuse. Women who were abused when they were still young, particularly by their male parents would dare to punish their husbands. This would be as a matter of compensating them. Their memory still remembers what had happened to them at birth but since their parents who might have violated their rights might be away, they resort to abusing their husbands instead and vice versa.

Drug abuse is another cause of domestic violence. Many partners who over drink alcohol or misuse other drugs resort to abusing themselves. This is because these drugs interfere with their reasoning capacity. The rest of the partners who do not misuse drugs also take the advantage of their partners who misuse the drugs. For example a man who is drunk and fails to fulfil his manly duties in the house like providing food to his family members are subjected to beating by their wives.

Mental health is another contributor towards domestic violence. A man who is mentally ill can be beaten by his wife and vice versa. On the other hand, a woman who is mentally ill may beat her husband since her reasoning capacity has been interfered with.

The acute rate of poverty which is prevalent across the globe has also aided the increased rate of domestic violence. The inaccessibility to the basic human needs brings in bitterness in people and the only possible way to express out this bitterness in women is to beat or stalk their husbands. Some women also hold it that their husbands are too lazy to provide for the family when their fellow men are working too hard to maintain their families.


Social Teaching of the Church on Domestic Violence


During matrimony, one of the prayers of the faithful reads, ‘may their house be a small church and their family a good foundation for the nation.’ (Tanzania Episcopal Conference, Misale Ya Waumini, 1978, p. 999). Hence the church begins at home making it to be a small domestic church and not a place of domestic violence. The Church as such is Christ cantered and Christ came purposely to save us. (Fr. Israel, J., 2001, p.5). Our salvation entails the bringing peace which is a necessary tool for eternity. In this case, domestic violence is against the peace which Christ brought us.

According to St, John Chrysostom, peace in the couples’ families should flourish from their respective parents. The parents should teach their children to be good, meek and forgiving making them to adorn the image of the King of Kings as they grow. Husbands and wives should trust and love one another. A husband should use gentle words and his examples to teach his wife to be virtuous. This begins with the husband telling his wife how much he loves her and enjoying being at home with her. (Roth, P., and Anderson, D., 1986, pp.18-56).

On the piled up anger by the married couples, St. John Paul II in his massage for the celebration of the world day of peace (2002, pp.8-9) says that forgiveness is not a proposal that can be immediately understood or easily accepted. It involves a real and permanent loss. It may look like a weakness but demands a great spiritual strength and moral courage. It leads to a fuller and richer humanity, more radiant with splendour of the Creator. 

According to Murray, D., (1983, p.89), God saw it in the book of Genesis (2:18) that a man should not be alone creating a demand for the need of a woman and the institution of marriage which is the origin of the human family. Adam’s partner was created in the image and likeness of God and hence with equal dignity with him. Adam was then happy for someone from his own bones and flesh and come out from him. They were to live together as companions and become one something which would give rise to interpersonal dialogue because man by his very nature is a social being. Unless he relates to others, he can neither live nor develop his potentials. Domestic violence is therefore opposed to this development and the social nature of man.


The plan of action


A number of measures can be taken to curb this illegal act in marriage. Some of them are institutional based and some others individual based. Thus they come from an individual.

Social engagement is one of the measures. The couples should engage themselves in the activities such as swimming, dancing and taking of a nature walk together. This would help in reducing the stress that the couple could be having. The poor couples should at least find any social engagement which could be bearable to them such as taking a nature walk together. While doing this, they should be free to talk together while walking.

Counselling the couples is another measure. This calls for a personal dialogue between either the family members with the couples or friends to the couples with the couples. Thus it calls for a brotherly concern from our neighbours. One should not get into this dialogue with an aim of looking for fame or money but to help in bringing peace to these couples. There are also professional counsellors who can be engaged in this aspect. A special attention should be given to them and not just taking their words for granted.

Prosecution of women who beat their husbands can also help in curbing this menace. Women, from the creation story in the book of Genesis are to be men’s helpers and not men’s beaters. They should be humble and caring to their husbands. Those who go against this teaching should be rendered some punishments in the prisons. There should be varied punishments or jail terms such that those who beat up their husbands and even chop off some of their body parts should be given severe punishment than those who just give their husbands the normal stress.

The government policies should also be revised. There are certain countries that still hold it that when a man beats his wife it is unlawful but when the wife beats the husband then it is normal. Such women who beat up their husbands cannot be persecuted in any way.  The reason behind this is that men are stronger than women. A man who has been beaten up by his wife could be having some psychological problems or weak and does not deserve to marry and be called a husband. Therefore these policies should be revised to allow men to become free from these tortures from their wives.


Evaluating Action


In as much as the above solutions could be put into practice, there could be some barriers towards their success. Most of these are based on the old mentalities from the various traditions. Some people would find it hard to leave their old way of abusing their husbands while fearing that their husbands would turn against them and start revenging on them. Others who might have used a lot of money in buying some medicine from the witchdoctors making their husbands not to reveal they are being beaten would prefer to remain quiet. This is because witches are highly discouraged in the contemporary societies.

Some poor couples would also find it expensive to afford paying for the trained counsellor. They would therefore resort to people who are untrained in this aspect resulting into being misled. This would attribute to the increase in the rate of domestic violence. Some people are also ignorant and would not value the guidance provided by the psychologists. Moreover, the social engagements are also expensive on the side of some families. This makes the couples to pile up their emotions and release them later on through domestic violence.

There are some men who would not allow their wives to be imprisoned. They fear the burden of taking over their wives’ responsibilities after they shall have been imprisoned. Some women are also tortured in the prisons making their lives to deteriorate. They can die after finishing their jail terms. The result of this therefore is to persevere while tolerating all the beatings and stalking from their wives.


Conclusion


Domestic violence is a sin. It opposes the love portrayed in both the Old and New Testaments which give a Christian family a domestic church. The church fathers also emphasized on the couples being hospitable to one another. Pope Benedict XVI for example emphasized in his Encyclical, Deus Caritas est (2005, p.17) that a husband and a wife should love one another just like our monotheistic God also loves us. This objects any elements of violence within the family. I believe that the recurrent cases of domestic violence can be curbed. The only problem which is there is that people wants to handle all of them at once. They should be handled one at a time and those who have benefitted from its solutions should share with the other people who are still having problems with it. Each person is a messenger of peace. Therefore we are called to preach this peace to all the married couples in order to solve this satanic act.
    


Compiled by: Ken Omondi